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The Parts Readers Skip: Cutting The Boring Shit
Fuck this, I’m out of here. I was trundling along though my daily word count* yesterday when I reached it: the boring part. Fuck, I don’t want to write this, I thought as I reached for my monkey skull...
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How To Write Less Every Day
Nom nom writers. I can feel the weird look you’re giving the title of this post.* It’s okay. In your place, I’d look at it like a three-headed chicken crawling out of my Eggs Benedict and demanding...
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Monday Challenge: This Goes On Your Permanent Record
“Have you found the words yet, Microscope Girl?” “Not yet, Hanging Over My Shoulder People. Will you back the fuck off?” In a bit of shameless thievery, I’m taking today’s challenge directly from the...
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The One-Day Stand: Cheating On My Manuscript
I knew that story was trouble the second it walked through my door. Confession time: I’m taking a day off from my manuscript.* Not because it’s not going well. Actually, aside from a few...
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Coffee, Create, Repeat: Planning Chaos
My schedule is not that different from this. I even schedule a nap some days. I have a daily routine: get up, read articles, drink coffee, get dressed*, write, exercise, lunch, shower, edit. Nearly all...
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The Bride of Frankenstein: Making Your Own Beta Reader From Scratch
“What do you think? Why did you laugh? Do you liiiiiiike it?” “For fuck’s sake, Clarence, shut the hell up and let me read.” There comes a time in every writer’s life cycle–shortly after shedding the...
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Prime Cuts: Carving Up Your First Draft
I didn’t need those paragraphs anyway. Or that chapter. My zero drafts are a mess. Too many words, too much explaining, some really obvious character slips, the occasional monologue*…it’s not pretty....
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The Ghosts of Past Drafts: Rewriting A Manuscript
“BITCH GET BACK DOWN THERE.”: St. Michael exorcising demons with the help of of his pretty floral bonnet. Rewriting is harder than people think. I mean, you have the story down, in one form or another....
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Turn Your Head and Cough: Diagnosing Writing Problems
DOOM IS NOT THAT KIND OF DOCTOR. Symptoms are the things that make you realize you’re sick. The cough, the runny nose, the sudden breakout of blue pustules that sing the national anthem at night.*...
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Kill The Queen: Fixing Plot Holes
This may be a bigger problem than I–hey, is that China? I found a plot hole in my story the other day. It’s okay. I fixed it. But fixing it led to another plot hole. And then another. And another. I’m...
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Things To Do When You Finish A Novel*
Writers do it old school. 1. Get Your Cake On. You finished a book. That’s a big deal. It might be a sucky book right now, but that doesn’t matter. We’ll talk about editing later, after the post-coital...
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Finding The Way: 5 Questions To Make Your Story Suck Less
Looks legit. Image by Stephanie Snow 1. Do I Need This? Not just the rallying cry of laziness, this is a key question for editing. Do you need that scene? How about that character? Could you combine...
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Set It All On Fire, Child: Editing
I found this on my phone, and I have no idea why I saved it, but I’m glad I did. I’m picking my way through my manuscript right now, piece by excruciating piece. And, as that last sentence might tell...
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Round and Round: How To Re-Outline A Writing Project Because You Made A...
Spin me right round, baby, right round. 1. Write down what happened. In your current draft, anyway. Simple sentences, scene by scene. Cover everything. Everything important. Hint: if you leave it out...
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Editing, Video Games, and Vaccination: Too Many Metaphors
Editing: it’s important. For me, editing is the hardest part of writing. And it is a part of writing. It’s the part that takes whatever you produced during the other part of writing and makes it suck...
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Writing Technique Deathmatch: Fix Now VS Fix Later
Your next opponent is this peacock, because peacocks are assholes. Time for the ultimate editing showdown: fix your plot holes and story problems as you go, or wait for the end and go back? It’s...
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14 Steps To Planning For That Big Writing Project.
Better fuel up. 1. Figure out how long it is. Or should be. Or will be. 2. Figure out how many words you can write/edit/extrude/divine in a day without completely losing your shit. 3. Berate yourself...
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Care and Feeding of Beta Readers
DO: give thematically-appropriate gifts. DO give them a properly formatted, grammatically-correct, spell-checked manuscript.* It’s annoying as hell to wade through someone’s poor grammar to try and...
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